I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
