Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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