Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

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  (636): I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani http://tfl.nu/u2tc
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (1467)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

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  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3646) Bad night (489)
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  (415): View more from California

  if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?

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  (415): if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays? http://tfl.nu/4fwl
  Replies (26) Good night (991) Bad night (4705)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

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  (770): I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked http://tfl.nu/iw27
  Replies (33) Good night (7617) Bad night (1050)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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  (202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p
  Replies (11) Good night (3726) Bad night (1138)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

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  (403): "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/bmms
  Replies (15) Good night (3571) Bad night (957)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.

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  (360): Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk. http://tfl.nu/ed4r
  Replies (12) Good night (4572) Bad night (766)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.

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  (404): And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT. http://tfl.nu/u1ny
  Replies (26) Good night (5497) Bad night (804)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

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  (508): i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot http://tfl.nu/slrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1891) Bad night (1384)
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  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3664) Bad night (2192)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.

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  (518): I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon. http://tfl.nu/pj69
  Replies (9) Good night (1281) Bad night (3496)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby

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  (763): I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby http://tfl.nu/ll5m
  Replies (10) Good night (639) Bad night (2504)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA

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  (214): IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA http://tfl.nu/ecmd
  Replies (16) Good night (848) Bad night (975)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.

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  (512): The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount. http://tfl.nu/1v2k
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (285)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants

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  (256): I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants http://tfl.nu/j7tx
  Replies (2) Good night (629) Bad night (265)

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