Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.