I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.