Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously