4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
