Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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