living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
