His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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