The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
