My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
