What a fucking waste of an outfit
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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