WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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