Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
