Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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