Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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