Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
