Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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