And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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