Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
