So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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