doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
