She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize