dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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