even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
