Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
