Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
