We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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