smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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