we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize