i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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