You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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