They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
