I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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