Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
