I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize