So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
