Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
