Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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