Already got asked if we're dating
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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