five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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