dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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