dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
