You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
