Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
