and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
