i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
