All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
