I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
