I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
