I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
