i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
not ubering you a puppy
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