if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize