Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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