Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
