When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
