the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
