i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
