oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
